By Your Consumer Curmudgeon

I don’t know about you, but I for one think it’s high time the trials begin. And if not as bloody in outcome as those that took place in France in 1789, they should be no less pointed, in terms of historical importance. The notion that the CEO of Merrill Lynch, just before taking his company bankrupt, had the gall, let alone wherewithal, to spend $87,000 for a throw rug for his new office (other people’s money, of course). According to CNBC he also “needed” curtains for $28,000, two chairs for $87,000, fabric for a “Roman Shade” for $11,000, Regency chairs for $24,000, six wall sconces for $2,700, a $13,000 chandelier in the private dining room and six dining chairs for $37,000, a “custom coffee table” for $16,000, an antique commode “on legs” for $35,000, and a $1,400 “parchment waste can.”

This CEO, John Thain, had a good excuse, though. After all, he “needed” his office to be “different” from that of his predecessor. It’s always about “need,” of course. As Maureen Dowd of the NY Times put it, “Did his office (not) have a desk and phone?”

And of course it doesn’t end there. The latest is that Citicorp, after getting $345 billion in government guarantees and loans in the recent bailout (our money, but then, who’s actually counting—Tim Geithner?), decides they “need” a new $50 million corporate jet. Presumably to get to their Hawaiian vacation condos more quickly, so they can better spend their $13 billion in bonuses. Bonuses indeed, for managing to bankrupt not only their own company, but also the entire financial system, and now, in all likelihood, the entire global economy. Heckuva job, fellas. As for those bonuses, these people still continue to trot out their decades old saws. As Thain put it: “If you don’t pay your best people, you will destroy your franchise” and they’ll go elsewhere. Like maybe, Merrill Lynch? Or Lehman Brothers, perhaps? Puh-leeze.

We all hoped this kind of thing would end January 22nd. But it won’t. In fact, it’s just beginning. Why? Because, in their desire to somehow form a “bipartisan” coalition, the incoming administration has decided to “let bygones be bygones.” In other words, look the other way.

Talk about a double standard. If you were a lowly bank teller at, say, WaMu, and after seeing your own bonuses, 401K and retirement savings go down the tube, and you got desperate enough to pocket, say, $2000 from your till to pay this month’s bills, you would be in the slammer so fast your ears would be ringing, and you would most certainly get five to ten in a hard place for your troubles. Yet these Wall Street Masters of the Universe, inarguably the greatest thieves since Attila the Hun, not only are going to walk free, but spend their stolen billions with ongoing impunity. And what’s most amazing of all, they are, even as we speak, back for more.

So how does all of this affect we, the lowly consumer? Simple. It’s no coincidence we pay higher and higher fees for every banking service. Bounce a ten-dollar check because you’re automatic deposit is late? That’ll be $35 out of your account faster than you can sneeze. Want to refinance for one of those alleged low mortgage rates? It’ll cost you five years of savings up front. Want a decent interest rate for your savings? Forget it. Want to use that credit card? No problem. That’ll be 20% interest, please, compounded daily.

Here’s an idea: join a credit union. They are nonprofit, and if your union or organization doesn’t have one, you can start your own, or join one of the public ones. Look in the Yellow Pages, there are a host of them, or check online for your area. They are nonprofit, which means no bonuses leaving your pocket and dropping into someone else’s. And they pay better rates, and charge lower ones. As a famous senator from Illinois (not Obama) once said, “A billion here and a billion there and pretty soon you’re talking about real money.”

Sometimes, we just have to take matters into our own hands (there will be a lot more on this, in the coming months). I’m sure you and I could come up with some pretty good uses for those billions. Such as repairing our bridges, roads, schools, ferries, and healthcare system. But then, a curmudgeon can dream, can’t he?