By Gene Ayres, Your Consumer Curmudgeon

It’s certainly tempting. Every day, new car ads are offering more and more discounts from the so-called MSRP (Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price), which used to be, back in the bad old days of GM domination, as close to gospel as a Baptist Bible. The newest wrinkle, of course, is born out of desperation. Now that same bankrupt GM is offering huge discounts for all those vehicles nobody wants anymore, and never should have wanted in the first place, but for all those sexy Super Bowl ads over the years showing rugged babe-infested macho men roaming the nation’s byways (leaving muddy tracks in formerly pristine territory) showing off their 500 horsepower freight trains disguised as SUVs and pickups.

GM’s current idea, now that they’ve gotten their latest government bailout, is to pretend, once again, to be doing something about the energy crisis that they themselves in large part helped create, by promoting their latest concept car: the Chevy Volt. It’s a great idea: a plug in electric hybrid that runs on anything from batteries to hydrogen to biofuel. The only problem is, like every other concept car GM ever made, it isn’t actually for sale, and never will be. You could buy a Tesla, of course, for only $92,000 plus tax and prep. More if you want door locks.

After the 1970s scare when all those muscle car gas guzzlers literally ran out of fuel, it was the Japanese who came to the rescue with their far more efficient and economical (and better-built) Toyotas and Hondas, thereby doubling the average fuel consumption on cars in America from 12 mpg (that was average, back then!) to 22 mpg, which was reached in 1985. Gas consumption has not only not improved since that time but has actually dropped to 20.5 mpg, thanks to GM and ilk, and all those huge gas guzzlers they’ve been marketing for the past decade or so. That’s pitiful. Especially since engine technology has actually improved greatly since then. The only problem is, all those improvements have been pumped back into more and more horsepower in bigger and bigger vehicles.

Here’s a question: just exactly what neighborhood in, say, Seattle, allows you to enjoy the full benefits of having 500 horsepower under the hood of your four-passenger pickup truck? And which highway do you know of that allows you to take advantage of that boasted 200 mph top speed GM has been selling you (or at least your teenage son or developmentally arrested partner)? Rt. 99, perhaps? That’s Rt. 66 upside down. Here’s news: the fabled Rt. 66 doesn’t exist anymore, for those of you who are still pining for that ’57 Corvette.

Meanwhile, let’s take a look at the latest car ads. Here’s one: a local Ford dealer. Wow! Check it out: All Ford Focus models, $6500! (Then, in really small print it adds: “off MSRP.”) Uh, thanks guys. The MSRP for this car is $14, 971. After you read all the rest of the small print, you discover that what they really mean is you will pay $8471, which is still a good deal, provided you have earned at least $50K a year for the past decade, have a son or daughter in the military, another who just graduated from college, and a savings account at the Credit Union of their choice. Dealer service and prep charges not included. Which means that what you will actually be paying, should you attempt to buy one, will be in the $14, 971 range. Taxes not included. And it’s resale value a year from now will be approximately half that.

Here’s an idea: wait until September or October, when the dealers are really, really desperate to sell these still overpriced 2009 cars for what they are actually worth, which won’t be much at all by that time, given they will be already anxious and eager to sell you the 2010 models, for only $14,971, taxes not included.

What I am holding out for, of course, is a real, actual, plug-in electric hybrid that also burns hydrogen and biofuel. At 0% interest like they are offering now to select bankers and CEOs. Electric and solar cars were available decades ago, of course. It’s just that they were all quickly buried, never to be seen again. By GM. With a little help from their friends in the oil bidness. So I’m not holding my breath. I can only swim underwater for so long. Plus, I would still need to make $50K more than I do now, just to cover the payments.

Gene Ayres is a career writer, author and freelance journalist. His latest book is A Billion to One: An American Insider in the New China. He can be found at: www.geneayres.org.