Valentine Daze

By Gene Ayres,
Your Consumer Curmudgeon

In case you somehow didn't notice, the next commercial holiday, better yet official Hallmark Holiday (there is actually an official list of Hallmark Holidays), is upon us. This means lots of new business opportunities for your local Rite Aid, Walmart, Albertsons, Dollar Tree, and of course Macy's, Nordstrom's, etc., in case they didn't manage to empty your bank accounts last official holiday, i.e. Christmas/Hanukah, Kwanza, New Year’s (let's see, that would be what, about a month ago?).

Nicely timed at approximately four months from that October sugar fest, Halloween, you can now go all out once more to shower your loved one with future cavities, obesity, diabetes, and yet more $3 meaningless cards. And for your convenience, those once-coveted Cadbury chocolates will now be brought to you by the people who make fake cheese.

My daughter, still new to the game (she's in sixth grade), brought home a list last week with all the names of her classmates she is now required to dearly love, so that she can go out and buy (or stay home and spend hours and use numerous art supplies making) thirty cards, one for each, because of course discrimination is no longer allowed, lest someone's feelings are hurt. I know, I know, back when you and I were in school, our feelings were hurt approximately every nine point five seconds either by a cutting comment from the teacher or the kid next to you's clenched fist. But never mind, these are more enlightened times.

Meaning that now our children are required to give Valentines to everyone, or else, and also come home with a basketful of unwanted instant fire starters and cavity makers from school, in lieu of, say, homework.

Not to be outdone by all those TV ads pushing yet more lingerie, perfumes, greeting cards, new cars, and chocolate (of course), my clever daughter has written up a Valentine's gift list of her own: items she has deemed appropriate for her Mom and I to provide as evidence of our annual love (for her, please note, not each other): new clothes, a dog, the latest vampire DVDs and books, the least of it. At least she didn't mention jewelry.

And here I always thought Valentine's day was something private between lovers, demonstrations of romance, perhaps in the candle-lit corner of a quiet restaurant, involving fine wine, good food, and sensual rewards to be rendered later. Not any more. Now it's almost as commercial as, well, Christmas, and you are expected to spend, spend, spend, to prove your love, and not only just to your loved ones, but all of your friends, acquaintances, classmates, erstwhile rivals, tormentors, service technicians, local businesses and shop clerks.

Historically (according to Wikipedia at least), there have been a bunch of St. Valentines over the centuries, with but one thing in common: all of them were martyred in unpleasant ways. The two for whom the holiday was originally named were Christian priests who were executed by the Romans around the 3rd century AD. Others came later to share the limelight, none of whom had anything whatsoever to do with love or romance, oddly enough.

The first connection between St. Valentine's Day and romance was attributed to Chaucer, but even that is in debate. In any case, the modern holiday with all the cards and candy was invented in 19th Century Victorian England, later emulated by an enterprising card maker in Massachusetts in 1847 named Esther Howland. Thanks, Esther.

Anyway, Sweet dreams.

And don’t forget to brush your teeth.

Gene Ayres is a career writer, author and freelance journalist. His newest book is “Inside the New China: an Ethnographic Memoir.” He can also be found at: www.geneayres.org.