The Dispatch - Home

Do Fraudulent Telemarketers Owe You Money?

2009-01-06T19:03:00Z

By Linsey B. Knerl

Many times, class-action lawsuits get a bad rap for being frivolous, reaching, or just plain unnecessary. They can usually take forever, and sometimes don’t even offer up any monetary or tangible compensation. Then there are the lawsuits that leave me scratching my head, wondering why these people weren’t arrested. This is one of those lawsuits.

If you had money debited from a checking account as a result of a telemarketing phone call between 2003 and 2007, you may be included in this recent settlement. All the details can be found at www.restitutionpayment.com but I’ll provide them anyway.

During the course of several telemarketing companies’ phone business interactions, personal bank account information was obtained and allegedly provided to “third-party payment processors,” who then used the info to create unsigned checks in the names of the people who were originally called. To make matters worse, the lawsuit alleges that Wachovia opened back accounts for these payment processors, and accepted deposits of these same unsigned checks. Processors who are being named in the lawsuit include Payment Processing Center, Netchex, Guardian Marketing Services Corp., and YMA Company (also known as “Your Money Access”).

The lawsuit refunds money to those who were affected by the transactions in one of two ways: 1) It refunds money that was withdrawn from bank accounts; and 2) It reimburses for bank fees that may have been charged as a result of the transactions (i.e. overdraft fees, bounced check fees, etc.). You don’t need to do anything to get money if affected in the first way, but to get money for the fees, you will need to file a claim.

The process is very simple, and if you don’t want to provide hard copies of bank records, you can apply for the “Easy Refund” for a flat $35 refund. (You most likely received a settlement letter if you are eligible, and you will need this for your online claim process.) If you feel that you are eligible for more than the $35, as a result of multiple fees, you can fill out the long form, attach documentation from your bank, and send it through the mail. (All the forms you will need are available at the official website.)

The fairness hearing will be held on January 22, 2009, and you have until March 4, 2009 to submit a claim form for refund of fees. If you are only eligible for the refund of funds that were originally withdrawn, you should automatically receive a check, with no action needed on your part.

I can only assume that during the 4-year period covered in this lawsuit there were many cases of unsigned checks being generated and deposited. I hope that this action has led to more stringent regulations for the use of bank information and how checks are written in the future. If you are ever uncertain, don’t give out your information over the phone. Ask to have a copy of your bill or statement sent to you in the mail, and refer to the FDCPA (Fair Debt Collection Practices Act) for all the legal ways that telemarketers and debt collectors are allowed to conduct business.

Will this be a Wal-Mart Year?

2009-01-05T22:07:00Z

By Your Consumer Curmudgeon

One of the things I never quite understood about the mentality behind the Wal-Mart phenomenon, one that created a national retail economy consisting of one family of billionaires and a zillion low-paid workers barely getting by, was the fact that Wal-Mart had managed to create an entire consumer class, in effect, that could not afford to shop anywhere except (you guessed it) Wal-Mart. Small surprise that Wal-Mart was the only major stock that showed gains last year other than the energy giants, of course.

True, quite a few Wall Street Gordon Gekkos, robber baron bank financiers, and WMD war marketeers still live and lurk among us here and there in their gated mansions and communities, but by and large we have now been reduced to a Wal-Mart economy of a lot of low-paid workers and a few well-heeled owners.

America has become, to a remarkable extent, a one-company town. Like in that old Tennessee Ernie Ford song, unless we can regain control over our economic futures, fight for genuine alternatives and a truly free (as opposed to monopolistic) market, we will all indeed soon owe our souls to the company store. Or at least be obliged to spend all our hard-earned cash there.

I for one am not impressed with President-elect Obama's plans to provide three million new jobs, mostly from “the private sector.” What private sector? Wal-Mart? The private sector that took our economy and deposited it into a Swiss bank account? Has no one learned a lesson here? As for “saving” all those Detroit jobs, that's just postponing the inevitable—at huge cost—because there is no evidence whatsoever that Detroit will actually change anything other than maybe its own tires. Last weekend, on the heels of GM's gift of $4 billion, Chrysler elbowed its way into line at the soup kitchen for their own $4 billion handout. “This initial loan will allow the company to continue an orderly restructuring," Chrysler Chief Executive Bob Nardelli said in a statement (Reuters). That's a good one. “Orderly restructuring” is Detroit jargon for “business as usual.” GM is getting the same amount to keep their loan sharks in business, conning you into buying that shiny SUV you can't afford to operate, let alone buy, that they're still trying to unload by being their own banker. They were still pushing big pickups and SUVs on all the major networks last I looked, and with the cost of fuel (temporarily) down again, no one is shouting for what we need most to have any kind of future at all: fuel efficiency, alternative energy resources, and a new transportation paradigm.

Yes, bold action is needed, according to virtually all the world's non-Reagan economists. And bold action is exactly what global governments, including (maybe especially) our own are most resistant to. “The market will take care of itself,” seems to be as affixed to our national psyche as ever. Sure. With a few trillions of taxpayer money it will—itself and nobody else—and no accounting need be made, thank you very (very) much. Did no one notice how well the market took care of the financial industry and Wall Street? It took great care of a few high rollers. If this isn't Socialism and Welfare taken to the Tudor/Hapsburg extreme I don't know what is. And it took care of the rest of us the same way that Mohammed Ali used to “take care of” his opponents in the ring.

Certainly no one is taking care of the real needs of the consumers of America, their jobs, or futures. Not in the way that we are expected to take care of our elders and our children. For the past decade, our leaders have taken care of nothing but themselves, and Big Business. Literally.

So what about this latest stimulus plan, or package? Why are we even talking about this? We already had one last year. It gave each of us just enough to pay for the increased cost of fuel. It did absolutely nothing for the economy, which continued to swirl down the global toilet even faster than before. And tax cuts? Are they serious? Didn't anyone notice what great good the last round accomplished? How, exactly, are we supposed to pay for new infrastructure, schools, roads, highways, green jobs, and alternative energy with less available money? Does congress expect the consumer to cash in the last of his 401K to bankroll new jobs and industries if the government isn't going to help? What is needed, as the few and frail Keynesian economists have barely dared whisper, is a lot more than a stimulus. Stimulus means encouraging you to do something you have to do anyway. Or would, if only you could. It's like those offers of 15% off your next purchase at your friendly neighborhood Cadillac dealer, when you're just trying to keep that old Datsun afloat. It's like the coach saying “win this game and dinner's on me” which is great, but dinner is at McDonald's anyway, and meanwhile you're down 58-0 and it's late in the 4th quarter. Hello?

What we need is the change we've been promised, which is being compromised away even before we ever get started, in order to protect the status quo for those who have the most at stake. Obama talks about rebuilding the infrastructure, which is certainly desperately needed. But with what? All fifty states are cutting budgets to the bone, including the most basic of services; the kind of services that keep us functioning as a civilized society, as opposed to a winner-takes-all band of headhunters. And the national budget is owned lock, stock and barrel by you know who.

So the states, which are where all the needed infrastructure renewal exists, aren't going to have anything to chip in for this laudable goal. Who will? The Fed just printed a trillion or two new dollars and handed them out willy-nilly to the same players who put us into this hole in the first place with nary a word of accountability, and there's nothing left for the infrastructure. Is Wall Street going to foot this bill? Or Citicorp? How about the Walton family of Wal-Mart fame?

Don't hold your breath. Best thing to do now, as I've said before, is to hold onto your wallet and whatever is left in it, buy nothing you don't absolutely need, and most of all, don't buy any of the bull that's still coming out of Washington.

Happy New Year.

Fire-Starting Snow Globes and other Recalled Holiday Cheer

2008-12-29T18:55:00Z

By Linsey B. Knerl

As you pack up the holiday cheer and head to the mall to take advantage of the drastically-reduced Christmas merchandise, be aware that some holiday products have been recalled. A recent set of warnings and actions may affect some of the nifty displays sitting on your fireplace mantle. Do you have these products in your home?

Hallmark has recently recalled their Jumbo Snowman Snow Globes. The decorative globes, sold at Hallmark Gold Crown retailers from October through November of this year, cost about $100 each. There have been two reports of the globes causing fire to nearby objects, as the glass on the globe acts as a magnifier to light. (Remember what happens to little ants that get caught in the glare of a magnifying glass?) Unless you want similar things to happen to your curtains or wallpaper, return it to your local retailer for a full refund. The recall affects model number 1XAG5093 and UPC code 795902066666. (Pictures of the recalled globe can be found at the official Consumer Product Safety Commission website.)

Candle-powered carousels from Gardener’s Supply have been recalled. I remember having a similar decoration in my home growing up. Even then, it didn’t seem like a good idea. This particular item is made from pine wood (not metal like the one I remembered) and it can catch on fire. Specifically, the candle holder placement on the base of the decorations has been placed too close to the structure – the fans, trees, and little cut-out deer could go up in flames at any time. (Three reports of fires have been noted, but no injuries at this point.) These items should be returned to the store where they were purchased for a full refund, or they can be mailed to Gardeners Supply Returns, 5 New England Drive, Essex Junction,VT 05452. For more information, see the full recall at CPSC.gov.

G&J Cocoa Stocking Stuffer items recalled due to possible melamine contamination. It looks like Santa left a little more than coal in some folks’ stockings this year… with a recent recall of cocoa items designed to be given as gifts, there is also a scare of melamine to be worried about. Sold at both Big Lots and Shopko during September and October of this year, only a few of the samples have tested positive for the contaminant. You should still check your items against the list at the FDA website, just to be sure.

Because many holiday decorations are made from lead, you will also want to be diligent in checking your year-after-year items for recalls. (Sometimes things get recalled in the off-season, and they may go unnoticed with all your decorations packed away.) The best way to see if any of your items have been recalled is to check the CPSC website for past recall alerts. You can search by category, or by keyword. Try searches for “holiday” “Christmas” or “winter” for all of the alerts that have been issued for the past few years. Most of the alerts contain full-color photos to help you determine if you are harboring a recalled product.

Merry Scrooge-Mas to All!

2008-12-23T19:44:00Z

By Your Consumer Curmudgeon

I occasionally read an investment blog I like, called (believe it or not) The Tycoon Report. Not because I have much left to invest (having foolishly followed the advice of a rival publication), but then, neither do those actual tycoons. I read it mostly out of sentimentality, perhaps, looking for some silver lining somewhere in that cloudy snowy sky. Or still hopeful perhaps that Santa can still squeeze down my tiny condo chimney, or that Tiny Tim will stop by and wish us Merry Christmas, one and all.

The quaintly named Tycoon Report is actually written by a bunch of young guys in Florida, busy pondering what happened to all their real estate. But I mention it today because they recently published a guest column, which I'd like to share, as part of my own Christmas dispatch.

The writer is a guy named Bob De Dea, a part time actor in Miami who, like most artists, just manages to get by (I can relate) and has acquired some useful information in the process on how to pinch pennies I'd like to pass on.

De Dea dispenses with some basics, which I, conversely, want to reiterate, because they are simple and obvious. Turn down your thermostat. Use compact fluorescents. Drive slowly and don't warm up your vehicle first (I wrote about that last year). Of course it's good to recycle, and you can improve the environment as well as the economy by recycling bags, for example. If you have land you can grow food. Also compost, thus again helping the environment and also reducing the cost of landfills, garbage disposal, etc. If you own a home it's worth it in the long run to install energy efficient windows, proper insulation, and a good roof.

But here's where a new perspective is always fun, and sometimes useful. De Dea's number one item, coming from a Floridian but which couldn't be more useful for a Seattleite, is “invest in a good espresso maker and stop buying a $3 cup of coffee every day.” In my case, a mediocre coffee maker does the trick, but his meaning is clear. If you want to go upscale and make your own organic fair trade lattes and cappuccinos, all the better. It will save enough each month to fill your gas tank too.

De Dea also counsels us “not to buy plastic bags for food. Ever. We use 88 billion plastic bags annually in the U.S. alone. For those who care, that’s about 12 million barrels of oil.” I'll take his word on those numbers. But to those who still make their own lunches (thus saving from $1,250 to $4,000 a year, according to De Dea) he suggests you recycle those bags that bread and veggies come in and use them again and again. And he mentions a trick I discovered myself some time ago: you can seal them very nicely with a clothespin. De Dea, who is clearly a prodigious sandwich eater, claims this saves him $100-$200 per year.

Two further recommendations of his I'll pass on might be a bit harder to take. To quote: “(1) Break the habit of using paper towels. Use old cloths or hand towels or reusable micro fiber cloths. You’ll save a chunk of change and a tree or two. (2) Use reusable grocery bags (like the recycled plastic or cloth ones you can get from Trader Joe’s or just about any grocery store or pharmacy now) and use them to haul groceries, books – you name it. They’re sturdy and often waterproof and easy to clean.”

He is quick to add that “you may not save any money, but you’ll be drastically reducing your use of plastic and paper grocery bags,” which, of course, is good for the environment.

Other good suggestions are for buying on credit and getting a rewards or a mileage card, being sure to pay your full balance every month, thus avoiding those outrageous interest rates (and find one with no annual fee).

De Dea then goes where no man or woman has dared go before (well, not many, anyway): watch less TV! There is actually a host of good reasons for this. TV is not only bad for your health, literally (all those obese couch potatoes in our midst, if not mid-section), urging us to waste even more of our hard-earned money on junk food and other junk we don't need (or gas guzzling cars and SUVs thus still trying to save Detroit from itself), but those 5 hours a day that the average person watches, burn a lot of electricity. And not only is saving electricity good for your budget, once again, it's good for the environment, and helpful in reducing our demand for still more imported oil or terribly dirty coal to produce it. Plus, if time still has value, wasting it watching TV instead of, say, reading a book or learning French or Chinese is about as wasteful as you can get.

In the end, if we can all save just a little here and there with suggestions such as these, we won't need to be such Scrooges in terms of things that really count, like being supportive of important causes, and generous to those more in need than we. Or even, just to our friends and family.

Happy Holidays.

Sliding through Snow Tire Slush

2008-12-22T18:39:00Z

By Colleen Rothe

Much of the nation is being blasted by severe winter weather. Frigid temperatures and lots of snow and ice precipitation are making me wish that I had some snow tires on my vehicle, especially since we invested in some for our other vehicle. The vehicle with the snow tires seemingly makes four-wheel drive unnecessary, even in our hilly neighborhood, which currently is covered with ice and 10 inches of snow.

Snow tires have been designed and manufactured specifically to perform well under the winter conditions the country is experiencing. These tires are modified in both their tread and the type of materials which they are constructed. The rubber used to create snow tires is typically more pliable than your summer or all-weather tires. Therefore, the softness of these tires is not ideal for the hotter seasons – in July your snow tires will be worn quickly.

But getting winter tires, as the industry terms it now (they are also known as traction tires), can be a pretty confusing mess. This is what I learned when trying to determine the best route to go.

First, if you’re going to invest in winter tires, be sure to invest in the rims. Taking tires on and off rims adds additional wear and tear on the tires. When you consider that a good set of winter tires will run you upwards of $800, spend the extra dough and get rims. Also, you can save the labor after the initial investment and each season, by changing out the tires yourself, only having to perhaps pay for a balance and/or alignment if necessary. You don’t have to spend a lot on the rims – they just need to be the same diameter and have the same bolt pattern as your vehicle’s original wheels. You could even get the rims from a salvage yard for use with your traction tires. That way, when the white stuff melts away, you just have to change back into your warm-weather set of tires. Quick. Easy. Inexpensive.

Also, if you go with winter tires, you need to replace all four tires. You may think that putting just two on the front of your front-wheel drive vehicle would work, but transportation safety experts say this actually makes it harder for your car to maneuver on winter roads. Putting just two tires on the drive wheels of your car will make the car much more likely to spin out while braking or cornering. Basically, the wheels that do the steering won’t grip as well as those that provide the power, so the car won’t respond when the steering wheel is turned – it will simply plow straight ahead.

For those that think that all-season tires are good enough, think again, before you’re stuck at home because winter roads are impassible for your vehicle, simply because of the tires it has. All-season (also known as all-weather) tires are designed to cope with all sorts of conditions, including dry roads and rain, but are not really for any one condition. They are generally made from harder materials that don't conform to the road surface as well in low temperatures. Think of all-season tires as sneakers and snow tires as heavy-duty snow boots. It is possible to walk down a snowy, icy sidewalk wearing sneakers – but it's a lot easier and safer to do it with proper boots. As well, if you have performance tires on your car during the winter, you’re wearing high heels on an icy walk.

Your local tire place probably has all their snow tires out in front, clearly labeled with the tree and snow symbol. Some may be sold out and you just might be stuck having to rely on your four-wheel-drive pick-up-truck neighbor for a ride to the grocery store. But if you can hang out until summer, you might be able to whittle down the cost of winter tires to half, since many stores have a huge sale on winter tires after the season. It’s the same principle as stocking up on holiday wrapping paper and bows for the following year on Dec. 26.

The bottom line is that once you’ve driven on a set of proper winter tires for your vehicle, you’ll never go back. It’s akin to driving in the rain as opposed to snow. Even without plowed streets, your tires grab the surface and you’re down the road – safely.

Money Resolutions 2009

2008-12-19T19:03:00Z

By Colleen Rothe

If you’re like many Americans you’ve battened down the hatches to try and weather the economic storm we’re living in currently.

For some that means you’re really focused on getting your finances under control and becoming smart consumers. The first of the year – a financial resolution if you will – is the perfect time to buckle down and get your personal money matters under control.

The first step is to have a goal, and not a broad one. Be specific. Don’t just say you’re going to pay off your credit card debt. Determine exactly how you’re going to do it. An example of a concrete goal is: I will pay $100 extra to BaddMammaJammer Credit Card each month, using the money I earn from monthly side job.

Next, you need to prioritize your money matters. What needs attention the most? Have a long list of debts? You then need to figure out which debt is eating out your wallet with high interest rates. That is the debt you need to pay off first. Focus energy, work towards it. It seems like simple advice, but considering that on average, Americans are in debt over 30 percent of their take-home income, we seem to have forgotten that simple principle. If you’re one of the rare individuals whose number one goal is to save, you need to do the same thing: prioritize. You need to do some research and figure out which method of saving is doable and will net you the greatest return with little or no risk.

Saving money should be a goal regardless. If you don’t have an automatic savings plan, get one now. Good for you if you’re lucky enough to have allotments directly from your paycheck to say government saving bonds or a brokerage account or certificate of deposit (CD). The great thing about this process is it forces you to save money because you can’t access it immediately.

Also, under the saving resolution step, you need to start saving for retirement now. If you don’t have a retirement fund, Individual Retirement Account, etc., you need to start now. Trying to play catch up later in life is even harder than just getting something going now, even if it’s just a small amount. Besides, IRAs – whether traditional or Roth – offer important tax advantages.

The last part of the saving section of resolutions is to save your change. This year, our family paid for the holiday expenses from the change jar. It works like this, when you’re at a store and the purchase is $46.20, pay $47 and pocket the $.80. One of the first things to do when you get home is drop that money into the change jar. You’d be surprised what you can purchase from the change jar. In 2009, we’re hoping a half year of change jar collections will help fund our annual summer camping trip. Truly, it adds up to hundreds of dollars. One year we accumulated more than $1,200 in loose change.

Next, you need to curb things that unnecessarily take away from you, much like the high credit card interest we first reviewed. If you have any stray accounts out there – unused checking or savings accounts, you need to close them. A ten dollar bank service fee here and there adds up over time. You will also decrease the amount of junk mail sitting on your desk each day.

This next resolution is a tough one: Give. Give to charities. Again, there are tax incentives; but the larger picture is one that most don’t always look at when dealing with finances. What this teaches you is the actual value of your money. When you have 5 percent automatically taken out of your check each pay period to go to your favorite charity, or even if you just anonymously adopt a needy family, or deliver a sandwich to the homeless man on the corner of the busy intersection where you commute each day – you’ll notice that $5 every now and then goes a long way.

The most important way to bring in more money into your life is to figure out the things in your life you are really good at doing. Can you help someone with a resume? How about tutor math? Provide one-on-one sports training for the aspiring little league pitcher? Everyone has something they are passionate about that could translate into a for-hire situation, say, like writing an article each week for folks to save a buck or two.

Speaking of that article each week, the last tip I can offer you is to learn. Read the Dispatch weekly, pick up a book about finances and read it. Read a money book or magazine every month. The point here is the more you learn, the more you’ll know and the more your money will grow.

Have a prosperous 2009, everyone!

Glass Furniture: The Cause of 20,000 Injuries per Year

2008-12-18T23:12:00Z

By Linsey B. Knerl

In a recent article by the Consumerist, bloggers explore the issue of the currently unregulated use of glass in common furniture items, like coffee tables. The recent death of an 11-year-old brought the discussion into the forefront, prompting consumers to question why the furniture industry doesn’t answer to the need for more proactive safety measures. Here’s the scoop on a hot debate that will seemingly only get hotter.

Meg Marco at the Consumerist recently published “Got Kids? Glass Coffee Tables Can Be Crazy Dangerous,” which prompted me to consider the possibility that my own children could be a whole lot safer. Sure, we don’t have glass tables at my own home, but I have plenty of relatives who do. And while it seemed kind of obvious that glass tables wouldn’t be the greatest thing to raise children around, I was oblivious to the numbers of accidents caused by their use (or misuse).

The Providence, RI girl, who died of a puncture wound and severe bleeding trauma after either falling or jumping through a glass coffee table, was 11-years-old. The incident was traumatic, but surely couldn’t be all that common. Or could it? According to the blog at Consumer Reports, over 20,000 people are injured by glass furniture accidents in the U.S. every year. Additionally, an average of 3 kids die from similar injuries. Each of these sad cases is a reminder that glass tables and furniture are not made from any kind of regulated glass. In fact, as of today, there are NO standards that glass used in furniture must follow.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) currently has jurisdiction over household products, and often institutes standards that include restrictions and recalls on furniture for numerous causes: the likeliness of tip-overs, sharp edges, flammability, lead exposure, etc. There are no standards for the dangers of the glass used in furniture, however. (While a “discussion” for regulation and standards has been in place since 2005, nothing has yet been accomplished.) Currently, there are regulations for shower doors and sliding/screen doors made from glass (and these are made using safety glass).

Arguments have been made that safety glass used in stove windows and windshields aren’t appropriate for many of the glass tables that aren’t encased in a frame, due to the way they are constructed. (Safety glass is designed to be strong in the middle, not along the edges, where glass tables usually experience the most contact.) Whether shatter-proof glass is a good alternative or not, remains to be seen.

The Consumer Reports blog recommends the following regarding glass furniture in your home:

• When buying new glass furniture, find out if safety glass is used. Ask the manufacturer or store prior to purchase. If you find out that you have erred in your decision, try to return it.

• Don’t use glass furniture that doesn’t contain safety glass in areas where children will be active. If you already have furniture that would cause concern, remove the glass portion and replace it with something less dangerous. Plywood or hardwood isn’t as stylish, but it is safe.

In addition, if you are visiting homes with glass furniture (like Grandma’s house), be sure to instruct children on how to behave around the furniture. I would expect that you’ve already had the conversation on why jumping off the couch is a bad idea. Now explain why jumping off the glass coffee table isn’t an option either.

Saving your receipt, still best protection

2008-12-16T18:45:00Z

By Colleen Rothe

My husband is stuck doing our first holiday return today. We inadvertently purchased the wrong gift for my father-in-law.

Hubby was understandably chagrined by having to deal with the throngs of last-minute shoppers as well as what he dubbed, “the look of criminal intent” given to him by the customer service counter clerk.

“You won’t have a problem,” I said. “We have the receipt!”

“We do?”

“We should,” I said, knowing that if it was in his custody, we may not. Sigh.

So the hunt for the receipt transpired, which should be lesson number one for all consumers: keep your receipt. This is especially true for holiday purchases. Keep them in an envelope, a drawer, or on a bulletin board – whatever organization trick you prefer. Just keep them.

We did find the illusive receipt and I reminded my spouse, who yearns for a completely paperless world, that even if we hadn’t found it, it was within 90 days, so Target could have looked up his receipt since he paid for it by debit card.

Yes consumers, Target won’t give you a refund without an actual paper receipt, but they will look up the transaction, if you, like my husband, are doing an exchange. Personally, out of all the big retailers out there, Target seems to have the most consumer-friendly return policy, especially since the last decade has seen stories like the one my mother encountered years ago, decline with tighter and tighter return policies.

Back in the day, my mother worked dreaded retail at JCPenney, known at the time for its good benefits for employees. But it was also known for its no hassle return policy. One day my mother nearly lost her job because she was absolutely repulsed by a snowmobile suit a customer asked to return. It was March and it was obvious that this man had used the snowmobile suit all winter – it was filthy, torn and not fit to put back on the retail floor. The man also did not have a receipt. But her manager made her give the customer his money back and then she promptly disposed of the suit in the dumpsters behind the store.

But times have changed. Sears maintains a broad 15 percent restocking fee, introduced in 2005, on just about all its goods. They require a receipt, and all original packaging as well.

Additionally, stores like Home Depot, Wal-Mart (ugh), KB Toys, and Barnes & Noble have systems in place that track returns. If you have too many returns, these systems may blacklist you and refuse your return. The system tracks you by driver’s license, credit card, or preferred shopper card and if you have too many returns in, say, a 90-day period, they cap your ability to return an item.

A consumer would really have to dig to find this policy, it’s not even found, like in the case of Sears, in small signage near the register or even on sales receipts. You have to ask for complete return policy literature or look it up online.

But even for the most indecisive shopper, or the customer with the hardest-people-to-gift-for lists, these levels are fairly high. However, the day after Christmas, most retailers who may lax their return policies the rest of the year, typically pull out the big guns for the after-holiday return rush.

If anyone is doing the big electronics purchase this year, even considering the economy, know that cameras, computers, monitors, digital cameras, and gaming systems have a short window of opportunity for return.

Typically you have no more than 14 days to return these items and there is a 15 percent restocking fee if the item has been opened. However, Best Buy loosened its holiday return policy, making returns simpler until Jan. 31, but some other items still need to be returned sooner. Costco gives you 90 days to return electronics. The bottom line is to know the policy before you buy, especially if you think there might be a return possible.

As the buyer of the gift, check to see if the retailer offers a gift receipt, that way, the standing in line to face the clerk’s “look of criminal intent” is the receiver, not you. Bear in mind, some KB Toy stores have upgraded their check stands and some do not allow gift receipts anymore. Again, know the policy before purchasing to save you time and aggravation later.

If you purchased online and need to return, most retailers will pay for shipping or deduct it from a cash return. Amazon deducts between 20 to 50 percent on book returns after 30 days. No reading and then returning is likely behind that policy. Sites like ThinkGeek.com allow you to return the product for a refund, store credit, or exchange within 30 days of the order shipment date. All returns must be accompanied with a Return Merchandise Authorization number, which is printed out from the site.

Again, if you know what you can and can’t do as far as merchandise return or exchange, before you spend, you’ll save yourself headache later. But the first order of business is to save the receipt.

Of course, if you give something homemade or give of your time in some other way, you’ll avoid returns altogether.

Getting Soaked with Red Ink

2008-12-15T18:05:00Z

By Gene Ayres

There's a big push now to go paperless. Tons of articles are being published every week in the Federal Registry, which has yet to go paperless, but wants to. I've gone paperless for most of my utilities, although a few remain stubbornly paper-bound. While I'm not a fan of automatic payment withdrawals (which tend to come when you least expect them and without notice, thus rendering your account in minus territory), I use my bank account Bill Pay feature, and it's great. You just log on, sign up for paperless billing, and get your bill by email each month. Then you can designate and control all your payees and payments, enter the date and amount for each month, and even repeat payments, if it's always the same each month, like my Comcast Cable bill. It saves not only paper, but postage, and also printing ink, the subject for today's curmudgeonly commentary.

According to Jeff Bertolucci in the November 2nd edition of PC World, we are all using way more printing ink than we need to because of a little deliberate glitch in the monitoring sensors on those little printer cartridges we are all forced to buy all too often, telling your computer to tell you to get a replacement at once, or else. Then, if you don't obey this commandment forthwith, it shuts down. But what researchers at PC World found was that most of the time, this is a serious situation of cry wolf. Cars are built so that the gas tank needle is on empty at least a gallon or two before it actually is, so you don't run out in the middle of Montana. But when it comes to printers, it's just a way for the manufacturers and dealers to make more money, at your considerable expense, and it just shouldn't be that way.

The researchers discovered that out of the four top selling brands: Canon, Epson, HP and Kodak, all but HP would report black ink cartridges (far and away the most widely used, still) being empty and in need of replacement with as much as 45% of the actual ink remaining. How much does that add up to in wasted ink and unnecessary replacements in a year? I can attest to this myself, even with my HP fax printer (HP's test model was considered the most reliable of the lot). The cool looking onscreen ink monitor reported that I was nearly out of ink last spring, and I rushed to buy a generic refill cartridge online. Generic refill cartridges are highly frowned upon by the manufacturers, who would much rather you buy there own brands, at a huge premium (up to $29 for some models) but are a better buy by a long shot, and work just fine. You can also refill the old ones at Office Depot and elsewhere. Or you can buy a bottle of ink and refill them yourself, as I've been doing for years, for about $12.

The funny thing is, while I don't print a lot of stuff any more, having gone for the most part paperless in my home (I recycle more junk mail than I print documents of my own by a long shot), I do need to print things on occasion. After six months of dire warnings, I still haven't needed to replace my old cartridge. At least HPs, unlike, say, Canon, won't shut down on you for no good reason.

I've since learned that you can disable that ink sensor by putting a small piece of electric or gaffer's tape over it, but you need to be sure of what you're doing (my replacement cartridge actually came with instructions how to do so). Then you can get your actual money's worth of ink out of that cartridge, and not go dumping half of it in a landfill somewhere when you didn't even need to.

According to PC World, the average black ink cartridge contains 8 milliliters of ink and costs about $10, or about $1.25 per milliliter. For you math wizards, this comes to $1250 per liter. We all remember only too well last summer when gas was over $4.00 a gallon. That would come to about $1 a liter. Hello? Black ink is not black gold, and hard as it might be to believe, no matter how great your last draft of your great American screenplay might be, the ink it's printed with isn't worth a thousand times more than it's petroleum counterpart. In fact, ink is a petroleum byproduct, is still cheap to make, and you don't need to kill whales to do it (drill for oil, maybe, but again, all the more reason to go paperless).

I don't feel that way about newspapers, I want to hasten to add. They are printed in a much more economical way, printing ink has always been cheap, and newsprint is recyclable. I don't think reading the news online or getting it on TV is going to ever replace the in-depth reporting and information you get from a real newspaper. But they, like books, are an endangered species now, and I think it's more the pity. I will especially miss those Sunday comics and crossword puzzles.

Holiday Pricing: How Low Will They Go?

2008-12-10T17:35:00Z

By Linsey B. Knerl

The general consensus is that Black Friday was a bust. If you factor in that many more people stayed home and shopped online, and that the prices themselves weren't all that fabulous, it may make you think that the opportunity to save has been long gone. It's still here, however. You just have to be more savvy and flexible than ever.

Price drop notifications are extremely valuable this time of year. I have been putting items that I really want to buy for family in my shopping cart at Amazon.com. As long as they are at least saved, it will notify me of any pricing changes every time I log into my account. (This has come in handy, as I wanted to buy a rather pricey small appliance for my Grandmother. The last time I logged in, I was notified that the price dropped significantly – so I bought it.) Some online websites offer similar services for a variety of merchants, but be aware that they also use affiliate links to get commission off of your purchase. (If you don't mind helping line the pockets of these companies, it may be a useful way to save before the holidays.)

Free shipping is being heavily advertised, with an emphasis on getting your purchase in time for the holidays. Amazon has always offered free shipping on purchases above $25, and several other stores give it out on orders over $50. Several retailers will be banding together to provide free shipping on December 18th, and all the details can be viewed at the official website: Freeshippingday.com. If shipping isn't affordable, many retailers have free site-to-store service (which allows you to buy online and pick it up at your local brick-and-mortar store for no charge.)

Gift wrapping is usually extra, and it is not considered a good investment if you are having the gift shipped to your home first. If you must send the gift directly from the retailer to the giftee, look for promo codes that may make the gift wrapping cheaper, or even free. I like to use RetailMeNot.com for all of the most recent codes for every retailer imaginable. Often they list promo codes for gift boxes and wrap.

While you may start to feel pressure to buy at any price, there is still time for discerning purchase decisions. I still look up the prices of items on Ebay and Froogle.com to get a feel for how high or low an item may go before I will have to buckle down and buy. (I can also get an idea of any “hot” items that may be sold out before the holiday arrives... Remember Tickle-Me-Elmo?) Many deal boards have discussions on the cheapest place to get any coveted item, with tips on whether shipping or tax will make it a better or worse deal than just picking it up at your store. Use the wisdom of others to help you score that fabulous deal.

Take it easy this holiday, and shop with care. With many days left until the deadline, there is still time to stroll leisurely through the aisles with an eye for the best deal. Slow and steady wins the race.

Chicken Feed

2008-12-08T18:32:00Z

By Gene Ayres

Greetings, Consumers. Your Consumer Curmudgeon here.

Firstly, I want to clear up an apparent misconception by some readers who accuse me of being “against consumerism.” If this means against rampant spending on things we don't need and can't afford, I plead guilty. But if to be “against consumerism” means against consumer protections, well, that's like calling the people who forced dairy distributors in China to dump melamine-contaminated milk “anti-consumer.” The problem is, if ever there was a person or group of persons guilty of being anti-consumer, it would be the entire administrating wing of the current U.S. government. We now live in a time in which the only people benefiting from today's economic and consumer environment are large corporations and executives in bed with political leaders who have furiously and consistently fought every level of consumer protection ever established. And it is these people and companies that have profited, often hugely, from selling phony securities, faulty, useless or even injurious products, and worthless commodities, as well as engaged in exploitive practices like weapons profiteering, drug profiteering (both legal and illegal), stripping and gutting natural resources, sexual exploitation, and all other forms of exploitation that involve a zero sum result, which is always, always to the detriment of the consumer.

So that said, here is today's curmudgeonly case in point:

In the State of Maryland there is a fierce battle going on over the issue of factory farm waste products, also known as chicken s---. Maryland factory farms, specifically in the business of producing chickens for America's insatiable appetite for KFC and chicken products of all kinds, have successfully fought off all attempts, even those mandated by Federal law back when there was an actual EPA, to regulate farm waste. And in the case of these huge factory farms that produce such brands as Tyson, Perdue and Foster Farms, we're talking about the Big Three, the Ford, Chrysler and GM of chickens. These folks produce 650 million pounds of chicken each year, and fifty times that much in s---, which, along with other waste matter, somehow eventually manages to wind up in the Chesapeake Bay, which is also home to the largest crab and oyster fisheries in the country. Or used to be.

There's an old saying: “don't s--- where you drink.” This should apply to our water supply as well. But, as also is the case with Puget Sound, it doesn't.

As Gerald W. Winegrad, a public policy professor at the University of Maryland and a former state senator put it, “We don't let hog or dairy farms spread their waste unregulated (well, some do), and we wouldn't let a town of 25,000 people dump human manure untreated on open lands, so why should we allow a farm with 150,000 chickens do it?” (Data courtesy of Forests.org.) But in Maryland, they do. That's because these giant factory farmers pump $700 million into the Maryland economy each year, are the state's second largest employers after the Federal Government, and let's face it, that ain't chicken feed.

So what's a concerned consumer to do? Here's a clue: If you feel compelled to buy one of these huge national brand chicken products for the primary reason of it being cheaper than, say, locally grown organic free-range chickens, I understand. Cost is a concern these days for all of us who aren't lobbyists or CEOs. But one of these producers is definitely worse than the other two: Tyson Farms. Recently, Tyson was busted for lying on its label about being “raised without antibiotics that impact anti-biotic resistance in humans.” These factory farms are so filthy and disease-ridden that producers have had to inject massive amounts of antibiotics into their chickens so they don't drop dead before they can ship them off to you, the consumer. Except that all these massive doses of antibiotics have created new strains of super-bugs that are immune to all antibiotics, which is becoming increasingly inconvenient when you, say, are dying of some dread disease.

So Tyson is being sued by none other than its own competitors, Perdue and Foster Farms, for misleading you, the consumers, about this practice. Because, you see, what they are doing is putting those antibiotics in the chicken feed instead of directly into the chickens, as though that made all the difference in the world. Because where does that feed go, exactly, unless inside the chickens (and eventually into the Chesapeake Bay). Just to be sure, thereby adding major injury to insult, Tyson is also injecting the antibiotic gentamycin into all its eggs. Meanwhile, they remain unrepentant about all this, are actually suing the FDA for even suggesting they change their label, and continue this practice unabated. Stay tuned.

So, might I interest you in, say, some organic wild rice from Whole Foods or free-range eggs from Trader Joe's? Or at least opt for Foster or Perdue, because I know, I know, a person's gotta eat!

How to downsize the holidays without downsizing cheer

2008-12-05T21:43:00Z

By Colleen Rothe

Anyone else feeling the panic? You thought there would be rejoicing in the streets that gas is a mere $1.95 (on average) around the nation. Instead, it’s making folks cower in a bit of fright.

The news is out that Black Friday – the Friday after the Thanksgiving Holiday that typically puts retailers in the black for the year – was populated, but not productive. The news was bleak – from the poor person trampled during a “door-buster” sale at a New York Wal-Mart to the final tallies of the till at the end of the day. The rest of the weekend didn’t prove any more fruitful.

More job layoffs are happening then they did nearly 35 years ago during the tough times of the mid-70s. So it’s no wonder that the holiday lights are going up slower and the desire to put up the holiday tree are just not creating a fire in the belly. Things are feeling bah, humbug.

But it doesn’t have to completely destroy the spirit of the holidays. In fact, it’s even more reason to get into the spirit.

Take a look at your holiday gift list. Is there someone on it who’s been recently downsized? Unemployed? Struggling? That’s the person you need to lavish with a little extra special effort in your gift giving.

Ideas could include things that they can’t afford, like a mini-home spa gift basket or even a gift certificate to the local salon or day spa. Especially if they’re doing the job interview thing – a haircut could be essential.

Do they love gourmet coffee but can’t afford it anymore? Lavish them with a gift of their favorite and then a little extra to tide them over. Splurging on ourselves is first to go when there is more month left at the end of the money.

Entertainment budgets are also first to go during hard economic times; ask Hollywood, they’ll tell you box office visits are down. A gift certificate to the local theatre or Fandango Bucks can provide a welcome escape and relief to the credit crisis and its aftershocks. If you’re tight yourself, you could cruise the discount DVD bins and find a couple of really good gut-buster comedies to lighten the mood. Or even rent the movie yourself and bring the popcorn and afterwards lend an ear and encouragement.

Is anyone on your gift list searching hard for a job? Buy them a book that gives them tips on polishing up their resume and interviewing skills. Got a knack for making resumes? Offer to help them tweak theirs for the job posting that they really, really want. Don’t forget to keep your eyes and ears open for job opportunities for them.

Part of the western tradition to the holidays is enjoying things we don’t get to enjoy the rest of the year: seasonal Satsumas, roasting chestnuts, Almond Roca, Christmas cookies, and homemade Chex mix. Take those on your gift list that need some extra cheer, a basket of caring in the form of homemade treats, so they don’t have to worry about trying to provide them. A gift certificate to the local sweet shop or town bakery is also a great pick-me-up.

I did a basket of mixed nuts, a bottle of wine, fresh holiday fruit (Satsumas and pomegranates), and some coffee chocolates for a friend who’s had to take tenants into her home to help cover the mortgage. Her smile was gift enough, I told her when she glumly explained she had nothing to offer me. Her cheer was a great seasonal present.

Honestly, the gift you receive from giving is better than any Mp3 player, gaming system, or expensive tie or scarf you might receive. They say charity starts at home. Take care of those on your list that need a little extra first. If you have more to give after that, there is a multitude of charities focused on helping others that you could give a donation of your time, money or talents. No Scrooges allowed.

Save Time, Energy, and Money with Price Matching

2008-12-04T19:33:00Z

By Linsey B. Knerl

Recent Black Friday sales (or lack thereof) have finally got me convinced. One-stop shopping is not only convenient, but it is good for your wallet. If you are not already using your favorite retailer’s price matching services, you are missing out!

Wal-Mart was most famous for its venture into price matching practices, and it still offers to beat any deal on ads brought into its retail location. This is usually a painless process, and only involves you being aware of the prices at other competing retailers and bringing in a print or internet ad that proves it. I have seen it done many times, and the cashiers are so used to doing ad matching, that they don’t seem surprised or even put off by requests. Most other big box retailers price match as well.

Some smaller retailers have been doing this for years, however. In an effort to remain competitive and take business from the larger corporate chains that can afford to offer lower prices, they have taken a hit on their profit margin in order to entice you into the store. They are hoping that, in addition to the loss-leader featured in the competitor’s ad, you will buy some of their higher-priced wares. (My local grocer, for example, ad matches for the surrounding area, making my quest for the top deals for 3 stores very, very simple.)

Here are some things to look out for when ad matching:

• The price will only be given for the exact same size, brand, and variety of the product on sale. A particular flavor of toothpaste, for example, may be on sale at Store A, but only in a special promotional size or flavor. If you go to Store B, hoping to do an ad match, you may be disappointed to find that it isn’t available in the stated size and flavor. Your ad match efforts may be denied.

• If Store A runs an ad for a ridiculously cheap pair of sneakers, they are probably well-stocked on the item. If not, they run the risk of having you get a rain check to come back and buy the item at the same price when it is back in stock. Store B, however, will only stock as much as it normally does. So when it runs out, it runs out. Stores rarely (if ever) offer rain checks for the amount of a price match.

It is important to note that some stores do not match online prices for competitors’ sales. Sometimes you can get away with this by printing the product page with pricing and bringing it in with you. Generally, however, stores with no online ad matching policy will just deny your request.

In addition to ad matching, be aware of internal price refunding practices. If an item you purchased goes on sale within 30 days from the date you purchased it, the store may refund you the difference! (Some credit cards also offer a price protection plan that offers similar refunds, provided the purchase was made on that card.)

Be aware of store policies. Know the price at every retailer. Keep tabs on prices for up to 30 days after you buy.

You can get the best price EVERY time you buy, and you don’t have to cruise around town to get it!

Padding your Babies Bottom with Cloth Instead of Dollars

2008-12-03T19:30:00Z

By A. Simpleton

I am now a father of almost eight months. Previous to the birth of my daughter, I had changed one diaper. That’s right, only one. And it was not an enjoyable experience. I am very susceptible to the gag reflex, induced, for me, mainly by scents. You can imagine my fear at having my own kid and changing diapers daily, hourly, and sometimes even closer together than that. When my wife was pregnant, she suggested that we use cloth diapers for our bundle of joy, so we could save money. As the explanation of what was involved in using cloth diapers was relayed, I became more and more opposed to the concept. But as I have come to find out, getting my hands a little dirty has been worth it.

My previous experience with cloth diapers was limited (as I said already, I am not the one to have change the kid, weak stomach and all). I knew that my parents used them for my sisters and I when we were babies and I knew that they make good car washing rags. And in that respect, cloth diapers haven’t changed much. But we have found a very cost effective system that puts a twist on the old clothy.

For our daughter, we are using a mix of G Diapers (don’t ask me what the “G” stands for) and cloth diapers. G Diapers are a great system for the environmentally minded. They have three layers: an outer liner, a snap-in liner, and a flushable insert. The only thing disposed of is the flushable insert. It can be flushed, tossed (decomposes in about 90 days verses the disposable diaper, which takes 500 years to decompose in the landfill), or composted (a wet diaper composts in 50 to 150 days). The starter pack, it includes two outer liners, three snap-in liners, and ten flushable inserts, is around $20. The G Diaper system, as good as it is for the environment, is not necessarily good for the pocketbook. You have to continue to buy the flushable liners to keep this diaper system in business. Also, as any parent knows, the two outer liners in the starter pack just ain’t gonna cut it. So there is the upfront purchase of, say, 10 sets of liners, followed by two years (if you really work on that potty training, but more likely three years) worth of flushable inserts. But hey, nobody ever said saving the environment was going to be cheap.

So here’s the twist. Instead of buying those flushable inserts, we bought 36 medium cloth diapers from clothdiapers.com for $65. Fold those into thirds, and you’ve got yourself reusable inserts that fit perfectly in the G Diapers. Now, there are no reoccurring costs with diaper changes (except for the laundry bill, but with energy saving front loaders, we haven’t even noticed a spike in the utilities). All calculated, we save about $200 a month on diapers. Not bad.

For extra savings, ever considered cloth diaper wipes? My wife did, and now we also use those. They are small, thin squares of fabric that we leave in a pale by the changing table that have been wetted with a mixture of soap, water, and olive oil. A diaper change is almost completely free now.

This system, while more involved that a simple disposable diaper, has been a great money saving tool for us. It is great to not have to pickup giant bags of diapers every time we’re at Costco. If you have little ones in diapers, try this out!

Black Friday, Post-Mortem: Is it Time to Rewire?

2008-12-02T00:20:00Z

By Gene Ayres

I noticed (cut to wide sheepish grin) that not everyone followed up on my suggestion to take Friday (aka Black Friday) off, at least the shopping part. I also must confess that I was ultimately forced (under duress) to succumb to my immigrant wife and daughter's insistence that it was unfair to keep them from experiencing this important American holiday event themselves. Plus, girls like shopping, it seems. One can only fight so many battles in a week, even on behalf of cautious consumerism. Hence my new self-designated media monicker: your Consumer Curmudgeon. So...

Hello fellow Holiday Weekend Survivors, your Consumer Curmudgeon here.

Today your Consumer Curmudgeon wishes to talk about cell phones. After all, most of us at any given moment seem to be either talking on one, or at least text-messaging, and I admit I was one of the last men (or women) standing before being swept under the Tsunami wave of public pressure and forced (back then it was by my son) to get one.

But here's the butt-kicker of the week (I am considering copyrighting this phrase with Capitals in the near future): cell phones may not be good for you. As in: your health (as for your budget, we've already ventured down that road and will revisit it in due time).

As in: your life span. Or at least, the life spans of laboratory rats, wild bees, and birds. Bad for the birds and bees? I know, I know, criticizing cell phones could be the biggest romance killer (and hence unwelcome news) since fake Viagra. And let's face it, there's going to be tons more on this, including eventual outlandish and hysterical claims (Meryl Streep shouting “My cell phone killed my baby!”) with the appropriate onslaught of lawsuits to come. I'm not pushing for any of this, mind you, although my sang Freud side does hanker slightly for the day that the Verizons and such of our world get an at least occasional comeuppance. To keep them honest, y'know? As if.

Anyway, there has been study after study of cellular phones since the beginning of the “oughts,” at least, that have come up with alarming results. Lab rats losing brain cells. Electromagnetic radiation fields from cell towers as well as the phones themselves, and all those Bluetooth teeth. Powerful cell-band-wave radio waves disorienting bird flight patterns. Massive dieoffs of honey bees for unknown reasons (this may be attributable to biotic, rather than technological causes, but some scientists' fingers are pointing directly at cell towers as the culprits).

Sterility in numerous species. Damaged DNA (CNET.com, Electromagnet Biology and Medicine January and April 2007). As for cancer, it's simply too early to tell. Cancer takes time to develop, and most of us have only been using cell phones a decade or so. Smoking takes years to kill you, and the same may very well prove to be the case with all this radiation from cell phones. Not to mention Wi-Fi. I am staring suspiciously at my Wi-Fi router as we speak. Or rather, I write. At least my fingers still work.

Since I used to work in Hollywood, before going any further with this latest eco-sci-fi horror story to come, I want to share an epocryphal comparison. My often pessimistic physician's website, mercola.com, has an article about a personal foot x-ray machine that was popular back in the 1930s, then eventually banned after 30 years on the market. Let's face it: a lot fewer people bought those foot x-ray machines, cool as they might have been (designed to perfectly measure your shoe size), than buy cell phones. But still they managed to cripple, if not kill, some people. My story is one told to me by a second generation Hollywood insider, and a good Internet sleuth could confirm the facts. It's about a movie. The movie was called “Split Second,” starring William Powell and a number of other early 1950s B-list actors. This was a low budget film of the kind Jack Arnold used to make. An early action-thriller. A deadpan “Dr. Strangelove” with no jokes. It's about a gang that escapes from a Nevada prison, seizes some hostages, including Dr. Powell, and takes cover in an abandoned old mining town. Except it isn't exactly abandoned. Only mostly abandoned. The U.S. military has been there recently, and put up a tower. It looks like one of those forest fire towers. Or old air raid towers. On top is a big box. Inside the box, which the audience soon learns, but the gang doesn't, is an atomic bomb. This was early Cold War when countries actually tested those things, like, in people's backyards. Like this whole town. It is in the midst of a 24 hour countdown. People have been warned. There are even signs the gang didn't notice as they roared into town, the Feds hot in pursuit. It's a standoff. Finally the gang takes cover in the old mine. The Feds take off. The bomb blows. It's awesome. It's a real bomb. They actually get it on camera, from like a mile away. After the shock and heat wave takes out the whole town (caught on film) and the mushroom cloud burbles straight up into the sky, it's cooled off enough to come out and gaze up in awe at the sight. A real A-bomb. And they were there, making this cool movie! Then everyone died. Not right away, but eventually. Of cancer. Everyone who was in, or worked on that movie location.

I know, I know. What's that got to do with cell phones? They don't blow up or anything. Not usually, anyway. Maybe it's got nothing to do with cell phones. Or maybe it's got everything to do with cell phones. Maybe we're all gonna die (actually, we are) of some horrible brain tumor, thirty years from now. Who'll be around to sue? And maybe, who cares, because by then we're all dying of thirst because the water is all polluted, or dying of starvation because we used all the food for bio fuel for our SUVs. Or maybe not. The point is, like the latest economic disaster, nobody actually knows. I know, I know. There I go again.

I do know that about 450 million people use cell phones in China, last count. What's the population of the U.S. again? And Europe?

So here's the bottom line: like cigarettes you probably already know, or intuit that this is probably true, but hey, a person has got to live, and stuff. So what if it may be dangerous? Also addictive. Just like cigarettes. We are free to say no. Meanwhile it sure is fun. Whole novels in Japan have been text-messaged. And they are so awesomely sweet to use! You can do anything: the latest wide-screen full keyboard wi-fi vidcam webcast Netflick Mp4 HD color stereo replacements for everything you used to have in your wall unit.

So how can I, you, we, or anyone even begin to think about how, let alone whether, to try to go about weaning the whole human race from this latest highly addictive technological wonder. Can't be done. Who'd want to volunteer to give up their fix first? Let's see a show of hands. Hey, why not, you're using a hands-free Bluetooth, I see you there talking to yourself in a loud voice. Never mind.

Maybe today we'll go window-shopping, at least. And check out the latest phone stuff. Did you know you can still actually buy phones that come with wires? Nice, safe wires. And they're probably cheap. On sale, even. Just a thought.